Friday, July 24, 2009

Yesterday Geoff and I and our family went back to visit at Mt. Sinai in Toronto. It was the first time we'd been there since January and for me, the first time I'd really confronted the feelings of it being the place where Cole passed away. Needless to say my heart ached the entire time we were there. It was a very surreal feeling. I did feel a strong pull towards Cole, like he was right there with us. Cameron, I think, sensed him strongly too. He was a bit agitated and fussy on the way up in the elevator but suddenly, near the area where I'd stayed when I had the surgery and ultimately where Cole passed away, he became very quiet and then began to smile and chatter up a storm. We were able to visit with 2 of our favourite nurses, Faye, who was my nurse on the worst day of my life, the day we learned Cole had passed away. And Rose, the nurse I had most often while I was back there when my water broke. Both ladies are Jamaican and have hearts of gold. They were so happy to see us and to meet Cameron. They were amazed at how long I had carried him and pleased to see how well we were all doing

This picture is of a very special person in our lives, Dr. Greg Ryan, the man who performed laser surgery in attempt to our twin's lives and for whom Cameron and Cole are named after.

We were able to meet with Dr. Ryan briefly yesterday. As soon as I saw him tears welled up in my eyes. I know that Cameron would not be here if it wasn't for him and I am very grateful to him. He is such an amazing person. He not only spent time asking about Cameron and how things had gone but also asked me directly how I was. When I confessed that it was tough to be there he said "Of course it is, your life changed forever here". We thanked him for all that he had done but it was hard to put into do you thank someone that, without their efforts, you would not have the child you hug and kiss each day???

On the way home Geoff and I talked again about wanting to do something to help families like ours, to help those in the fight against fetal disorders like TTTS, SIUGR (the placental share problem that causes one baby to be very small and not grow well...which would have been our concern with Cole had he survived TTTS), disorders needed fetal blood transfusions and so many others. We really felt lost when we were going through this all and wished for support from other Canadian families going through this. Our dream would be that there be a way to make sure that no one has to go through it all.We've discussed websites, support groups, fundraisers and ultimately establishing a foundation to assist families and doctors. Admittedly we have no idea where to go from here and are wondering if any of our friends and family have any suggestions of things we could do, things you might be willing to help with as well to help our dream become a reality.If you have any suggestions or offers of help please post them on the guestbook or email us at

P.S. Just a little greeting of hi from our little miracle who loves to hug, squeeze and eat blankets and toys these days. This stuffie blankie came from my cousin Sarah and her family...Cameron LOVES it!

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